Category Archives: Self-Esteem

Love with no Conditions

We all have thoughts that are hard to control.
Little birds fly into our mind and build nests that are not good for us.
One of their favourite materials they use for their nests are accusing or condemning thoughts.
These thoughts can be our own thoughts or they can be a thought that has come into your life from a friend or family member.
If an enemy criticises us or makes an abusive remark it does not have the same impact.
If someone close to us accuses us we find it a lot harder to deal with.
So, we have to find a way to neutralise any accusations that come our way from a person who claims to be concerned for our welfare.

Most countries have a legal system that provides some form of conflict resolution.
What we do not realise is there is another court system that has a daily effect on our lives.
It is called the “Court of Public Opinion”.
But there is a smaller court system called the “Court of Family Opinion”.
Or, the “Court of Friends Opinion”.

We do care what people think and say about us and some comments can last for years.
The person may not even be alive, but their words live on.
Remember a false accusation can be just as powerful as a true accusation.
Therefore we have to find a way to eliminate both.
We have two ways to do this we can qualify ourselves, this is called defending yourself.
The second thing we can do is to disqualify your accuser.

Here is a famous saying, “He who has not sinned can cast the first stone”.
The principal behind this saying is, a person cannot judge you if they are guilty of the same thing.

What I am about to suggest may sound a bit harsh but I am only making the suggestion for the purpose of dismantling what a person has said.

I am not pulling the person down, I am neutralising any negative words they may have spoken against you.

They are not the problem… their words are.

And the closer they are to you increases the power of their words.

First of all I would like to say that the only people who are qualified to give you advice are the people who love you.

Secondly the only people who can give constructive criticism are the people who love you.

You may believe that your friends and family members love you.
And they probably do.

Let’s accept that you are surrounded by a community of loving people.

Well, why did their words hurt you so much if they were spoken to you by a loving person?
Love does not hurt!
Love is not vindictive!
Love wants to build you up not pull you down.
Love does not get angry.
True loves heals your broken heart, it does not damage you.

The key is in the definition of love.
What type of love are we talking about?
The type of love I want to talk about is:

Unconditional love..!!

What is unconditional love?

A lot of people love you when you behave, but when you do not behave their love weakens.
That is conditional love.

Unconditional love is there when you behave and is still there when you do not behave.

Unconditional love is very rare; we do not blame people if they struggle to love you when you do bad things.

You and I know how hard it is to love someone when they let you down.

Remember I am building a case against a person’s words not against the person.
The reason I have introduced unconditional love into the discussion is to raise the standards.

“So that most family and friends… who have hurt you by their words.”

“Do not qualify as people who love you unconditionally.”

What they have said against you may have been true, but the attitude in which they said it was wrong.

You are now able to appeal to a higher reasoning as you defend yourself in the “Court of Peoples Opinion”.
They accuse you of doing this or that, they accuse you of being this type of person or that type of person.
They could be right or wrong.
But it does not matter what they say because they are not saying it out of unconditional love.

They may like you or value you.
But if their opinion of you goes up or down depending on your behaviour.
Then they are not loving you unconditionally.

Now the tables have turned and you have the upper hand.

They are disqualified as unreliable witnesses.
Therefore their testimony is discredited.
Now the little birds do not have any words or thoughts.
To build their nests of accusation or condemnation.
If you do have people in your life who love you unconditionally, then you’re blessed in a big way.

By the way, if you are the accuser, don’t worry we all make mistakes.
Forgive and it will be forgiven you.
Make today a new day.
Unconditional love is hard to learn, begin to practise on yourself.

Stop accusing yourself.
If you loved yourself, you would build yourself up.
Here is another famous saying.

“Love others as you love yourself”.

Sometimes loving yourself is not easy.
Can I suggest that you change the word “love” with the word “believe”?
Now we can say, “Believe in others as you believe in yourself”.
To believe in yourself is a wonderful thing.

I will always be grateful that I found a living example of unconditional love in the form of my wife.
If you have not been on the receiving end of this type of love, do not worry.
It may be on the way to your house right now.
When will it arrive…I do not know?
Why not start preparing for its arrival.

Turn your rules into guidelines.
Remove harsh rules and replace them with suggestions.
Remember to value your personality above your appearance.
Choose to love yourself by believing in yourself.
Vote for yourself as President of your life.
Take charge by making the rules work for you.
Adjust any rules or values that are holding you back.
Do not give others too much influence.

Free yourself from any words that have not been spoken out of unconditional love.
Become an example.
Live by these guidelines.
Love does not hurt!
Love is not vindictive!
Love wants to build you up not pull you down.
Love does not get angry.
True loves heals your broken heart, it does not damage you.

The key is in the definition of love.


Your behaviour is not who you are.
It is an indication only.
Do not believe everything your behaviour is telling you.
Believe in who you are, not in what you do.

You are the President of your life.
You rule.
Whoever changes the rules is the most powerful person.
Can I make a suggestion?
Let love rule your life..!!
Here is the key… for the last time.


Thanks for reading.

Written by Tony Egar.

Your Inner Beauty


Our wedding day went well. 
I have just pulled up to the Hilton Hotel and Lorna has gone inside to check in to the expensive honeymoon suite.
I am driving Lorna’s car because I have been in College for the last two years. 
Money is a bit tight. 
As I start the car to go down to the overnight parking, the starter motor refuses to co-operate.
The hotel staff give me a hand by pushing the car while I jump in to put it in gear. 
The car starts up and I am away.
I wish that did not have to happen right in front of that posh hotel with all those people looking on. 
We got a new starter motor fitted and after that there was no problem.

When your spirit is encouraged, it is changed from unwilling to willing.
From sleepy to energised.
From unmotivated to motivated.

Not long after the Hilton Hotel episode we had more car trouble. 
This time the engine itself needed replacing.
Lorna and I were about to drive from Adelaide to Port Augusta. 
Then we were going to put the car and ourselves on the train to Alice Springs. 
After that we were going to drive over a long bit of rough road to the outback town of Katherine in the Northern Territory.
We found a mechanic who could replace the old engine with an almost brand new engine. It took them 3 days.
When we returned to pick up the car it looked exactly the same on the outside.
In fact it was a little dirtier as the mechanic had not bothered to clean up his mess.
The good news is…it performed perfectly and got us all the way from Adelaide to the top end of Australia.
Let me turn this into a parable. 
When someone gets hyper-encouraged they know that something big has happened on the inside. 
But because we live in a world that pays so much attention to outward appearance, discouragement comes along and steals away our self-esteem. 
We forget the encouraging words that have come our way.
We need to stop focusing our attention on the exterior.

When Lorna was pregnant, she had a glow about her the whole time.
I know this is not everyone’s experience.
It was as if the reality of carrying her own child…was to Lorna an experience that shrouded her in wonder.
What was happening on the inside was reflected visually. 
Her beauty actually increased while she was pregnant with both our children.

Do you realise what a powerful change has occurred on the inside of you. 
Encouragement has the power.
Deep down inside… you have been transformed in the most beautiful of ways.
It is beyond human explanation.

Years ago at my youngest sister’s wedding, the best man mentioned his recent trip to Pakistan in his speech.
He liked to travel.
He was a good speaker and managed to keep us interested and entertained, his name was Andy.
I had never met him before that night.

A couple of days later my wife and I were in the city centre when we looked up and saw Andy walking along in our direction.
This was a completely random event.
We had to remind him who we were and where we had met previously.
We told him that we had thoroughly enjoyed his speech.
After we all got over the surprise of randomly meeting.
Andy informed us of his plans to drive up to Alice Springs with two other young men.
This would take them about three days.
It was a rough drive through the Australian outback.
Andy sure loved travelling!

A few days later the bad news came.
One of the young men had fallen asleep while driving, the car had rolled at high speed and Andy was thrown around in the back of the car.
Andy was now completely paralysed.
He was a quadriplegic.

Andy found himself in a very empty place.
He dug down deep and found the answer to his situation.
He chose to believe!

The decision to believe is the source of all encouragement.
He went on to become an example for us all.
And he still remains a person who believes.
He went on to build a life for himself.
Can you imagine the discouragement.
But he still decided to believe.

Tony Egar